Simplicity

Over the weekend I looked at a book called Ikebana Unbound. I got it a while ago for my birthday – it’s about the traditional way of Japanese art of flower arranging. I feel close to Japanese culture, but I have never tried to do ikebana. It remains something for the future to explore.

Why I brought up the topic though is that ikebana is based on simplicity. One of the lines in the book says ‘what’s not present in the arrangements is as important as what is’.

I found this so powerful. It made me think how we often focus on more, on expansion, on adding (to our work, research, personal lives) but fundamentally it is simplicity that can bring us back to centre and allow us to feel connected to our inside. It is simplicity that helps us to move forwards.

Each of the flower arrangements tells a story. There is a clear focus. Behind the simplicity is deeper meaning and that also allows for greater clarity because focus is on one or few things. You don’t get overwhelmed and stay in the present moment. It feels like these are all useful lessons for our own lives.

Is there something that you can simplify right now?

Make a plan and remember you have one

A few weeks ago, the new academic year started bringing new opportunities, encounters and experiences for researchers. This includes also navigating challenges and deciding on the best possible way to work and structure your time.

One of the researchers I worked with recently told me at the end of our coaching that his key takeaway was ‘to make a plan and remember you have one’. It inspired this blog.

We make plans and think about how we want to change some of the things we do but unless this translates into real action nothing will change. Plan is crucial for starting because it gives you a template. It is a road map that you designed to enable you to get where you want to be. Here are three steps that can inspire you to get started with it:

• Set priorities and break them down into small steps

Decide on your priorities for the coming week and understand the steps that will get you there. Start from the end goal and reverse engineer. Take a pen and paper and make a handwritten list of all that needs to be done to get you there (it will be a topic of another blog why I encourage to go back to pen and paper). Breaking the bigger tasks into smaller ones will enable you to work through them in a manageable way but also to experience completion of a task when finished. This is one of the most important things for motivation but also self-confidence.

Then create blocks of time for these steps so each of them has a specific time allocated. Be clear with the tasks - for example read two specific articles; write an outline for a chapter; transcribe specific number of interviews. Vague goals such as ‘I will read’ won’t work. If your focus is on writing be concrete what you want to write about and stay with it.

• Take breaks and plan your time off

Schedule regular breaks and stick with them. I would encourage you to keep most of your breaks mobile free (no social media, emails) and rather go for a walk and get moving. You will see the difference in how you feel. Phones are great and they allow us to do many amazing things and give us access to information, however, they are a massive distraction and if not under control they can have a considerable negative impact on our wellbeing. They have the capacity to take you away from the present moment. I encourage researchers to explore having at least half a day during the weekend without using a mobile. It can be very challenging at a start but it’s all only a habit. Would you be up for it?

Decide in advance when during the week do you want to schedule time for relaxation, rest, recovery or any of your hobbies. This is crucial. Then protect this time.

• Take time to reflect and celebrate your accomplishments (even the smallest ones!)

The new routine you build for the term needs some time to settle in. Don’t look for perfection. Set something up for the week and then at the end of it reflect what worked and what you want to let go of. As you go you will polish it and filter through. It’s a step-by-step process. In a couple of weeks, you will have a solid plan that will empower you.

Pause and celebrate your achievements along the way. This is very important because it allows you to take time to acknowledge your work and effort. It’s easy to keep your focus on what hasn’t been done yet. Make a conscious effort to remind yourself of what you got done. It will motivate and encourage you.

The main thing is to commit and then show up. Get an accountability buddy on board – you can help each other to move forwards. Remember that behind everything is your purpose. Be clear what it is. That will drive you. If you need any support with the planning get in touch.

What is your plan for the Autumn term? Where do you want to be at the end of it?

The 'supermarket' moment

I devoted a couple of blog posts in the past to reflecting on a movie I saw. This time I would like to look back briefly at the ‘American Underdog’. It’s a biographical movie about Kurt Warner who was an NFL quarter back. The story has a strong message and that’s to never give up. He attempted to be drafted to NFL for long years (he sat on a bench for four) and it was considered almost impossible towards the end, but he made it.

He then played 12 years as NFL player. He is seen as the greatest NFL’s undrafted player. If you enjoy watching inspirational movies about resilience and determination, then this is the one.

At one point he was without work, so he took up a job in a supermarket – he was stacking shelves. I watched an interview with him and his wife and he was reflecting on this time. He said that everybody has their ‘supermarket moment’ where you wait for something else to happen. ‘You gotta do what you gotta do until you gotta do what you wanna do.’ Stacking shelves was not his dream but it helped him to move on. The main thing was to keep his focus on the end goal.

You might have your ‘supermarket’ moment now feeling like you are doing something you don’t really want to. I would encourage you to see it as an important part of your journey. All the dots will connect and will lead you to where you want to be. It’s important to have clarity about where you want to be and then keep at it. Start with step one. Everything is possible when you decide that this is the path you want to take. Then take action every single day towards where you want to be and a ‘bridge’ will appear. The ‘supermarket moments’ usually give you a necessary experience and you learn a lot about yourself. That self-awareness and resilience that you get through these moments is vital for your progression.

In the end, behind everything is your mindset. It can take you where you want to be or it can create obstacles and reasons why something is not going to work. Choose the first one and if you need any support with it get in touch.

What is your first step to get you where you want to be?

Imagine..

The year 2023 draws to an end. The time between Christmas and New Year offers a nice opportunity to pause a bit and reflect on the year that is finishing and think about the next steps.

If the year 2024 would be one of the best in your life, how would it look like? Can you imagine it?

We can often find it difficult to imagine a clear vision of how we would like things to be. However, being able to visualise it is the first step to make it happen. As my karate teacher recently said ‘imagination is a tool’ and so it’s important we use it as much as possible.

Today, we had a creative time with my three-year-old son. We were making a paper aquarium out of a shoe box. He was so excited about it and it was really nice to cut fish and plants out of paper and glue them in the aquarium. We had some sea stickers at home, so we added those as well. We also found some space stickers with rockets and planets. My son happily added them to the bottom of the aquarium. I tried to explain to him that these space stickers don’t belong to the aquarium, but he wanted to keep them in there saying he liked them there. He had his own vision of how his aquarium would look like, and it was to be with planets and rockets. It made me think how I limited my vision of it and realised how powerful his imagination is.

This was just a short story from today. It connected nicely to the topic of the blog. And so as this year approaches its end let’s be grateful for what it brought – the learning, the opportunities, the encounters and the experiences. Let’s embrace and accept the things that didn’t work and the challenges we faced. But fundamentally, let’s look forwards and create the best possible version of our year 2024. Give yourself some space in the next couple of days and write, draw or sketch how that picture looks like. Because if you can see it it can happen.

How does your year 2024 look like?

Taking care of yourself

The new academic year has started. It’s an exciting time for new PhD students but also those who are further down the line. The new term brings new opportunities, aspirations and also new goals to accomplish.

Self-care is vital for your success with the PhD or during your post-PhD stage (in fact, it’s vital at all times). Along the way, it can be forgotten or pushed aside because you are ‘too busy’ with other ‘more important’ things. Your PhD is a marathon and therefore you need to keep your energy levels steady for a longer time.

Here are my five suggestions on how to look after you this term:

1.      Make time for activities that you like

Having these activities will help you to reenergise and gives you ability to better engage with your intellectual work. Integrate them (e.g. exercise, running, walking, travelling, painting, going to exhibitions, rock climbing, photography) into your weekly or monthly plans so there is more balance from the start. Don’t compromise on them.

What is the main activity that relaxes you? When in the week do you make space for it?

2.      Introduce reflective time into your week

Find space 20-30min at the end of your week to enable you to pause and reflect on the week. What went well? What didn’t go according to plan and what do you need to change to make it happen? Finally, what are your three main priorities for the coming week?

Often focus is on what hasn’t been done yet and you forget all the great things that you achieved. 

When in your week is the best time for this reflective space?

3.      Set clear boundaries and say ‘no’

The main point here is to simplify your work as much as possible. You will feel when you overcommitted. Saying ‘no’ it’s not about missing out on something but it’s about saying ‘yes’ to something else.

What do you feel you need to say ‘no’ to this term?

4.      Create a routine and be consistent

Creating a routine doesn’t mean that each of your weeks will be the same and it will be rather boring. Instead, it’s about creating a framework or a roadmap that will gradually take you to your goals. A good plan also means that you don’t need to invent a new schedule for every week, but you adapt the existing one. It also enables you to be aware of your ‘best working time’, so you can protect it. Commit to certain tasks on certain days and show up. For you. Habits will help you to get the work done and that’s why consistency is key.

What are you committing to?

5.      Celebrate your successes

On your academic path you will encounter some challenges and you will need to problem solve. It’s part of the process and you will learn a lot through it for it is when we are out of our comfort zone that we grow most. When you succeed or accomplish something you value make sure you celebrate it. It can be just as simple as having a coffee/tea (or a cake :) in your favourite café or a walk in your beloved park. Often the focus can be on what’s not working, and you can forget all the great things you completed. Take consciously time for these moments because they will also increase your confidence – you will become more aware of your achievements.

How will you celebrate?

Looking back: Five years of Insolo Coaching

Yesterday - five years ago - I established Insolo Coaching and embarked on a very new journey being a self-employed coach. This blog is a brief reflection and an opportunity to say thank you to all those people who supported me along the way.

Today, I look back at the five years and I am so grateful for all the experiences and growth that they provided me with. Being able to support PhD students and Early Career Researchers enabled me to find a purpose and meaning that gave me a clear direction and it brought a lot of joy and satisfaction. I discovered how what I do now deeply connects with my nature and enables me to do something I love. When I coach, I am in flow.

At the beginning there was only an idea. It took courage to get going. There were three key people who supported me and at times ‘pushed’ and ‘challenged’ me in a positive way to say yes to a journey of discovery but also one that required focus and belief in myself. These three people were my partner, my karate teacher, and my coach. I am very grateful for everything they did for me back then and how they still continue having a positive impact on what I do.

I want to conclude this brief reflection with encouraging you to say yes to something that has been on your mind for a while, but you have found it challenging (or scary!) to get started with. Give it a go and a path with emerge. Five years ago, I didn’t know if what I had on my mind would succeed. It did. If I wouldn’t have tried it I wouldn’t have had a chance to encourage and empower so many wonderful people and learn myself.

What are you saying ‘yes’ to? What would be the first step towards it?

Insights and calmness

I have been pondering over what topic to write this blog on. A couple of things came up for me including when do we get insights/a sense of perspective and when do we experience calmness. This blog is a blend of all.

Can you remember the last time when you really experienced a sense of calmness and contentment inside you? That moment feels like a bliss - the world stops, and you are fully in the present moment connected to your senses. I experience these moments with my son and partner and also when I do martial arts or spend time in nature. There were also two experiences that stayed with me profoundly for the feeling that these brought. There are others but these two created such a strong memory that I can connect with that feeling even now years after.

The first one was back in 2015 when I visited Japan. I had so many wonderful experiences and I absolutely loved my time there. This trip was important for me on a personal level (part of self-exploration) – mainly as I travelled for 3 weeks on my own. I learnt a lot about myself and had some great learning opportunities. One of my trips was also to Kamakura where I visited the Engaku-ji temple. It’s a Zen Buddhist temple. The level of peace and harmony that I experienced there was so deep.

Then years later I experienced a deep sense of calmness and perspective when I climbed to Alcock Tarn in the Lake District with my partner. It’s not a too difficult climb – although it’s quite steep at places. But the sense of perspective that I had when we got to the top and the time spent there just ‘being’ really stayed with me.

These were just brief descriptions of my experiences. And what about you? Is there a place and time that you go back to because you experienced there something similar? If you can’t think of anything, take some time to reflect on it. If nothing comes up for you – can you think of doing something that would create an experience like this, a trip, a visit somewhere, short or long – it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes we move through life too fast, we have our routines but often this can lead to almost not paying attention (or being more on autopilot) or experiencing the feeling that every day is the same. Bring more joy into your every day. Do things, set challenges, spend time in nature, learn new skills and say yes to new opportunities.

We normally get insights in situations where we can pause, reflect, when we are fully in the moment not thinking about what was and what will be but when we are fully in the now. It is when we are calm that we get these kinds of reflections. Insights are profound because they can enable us to change the way we do things. Suddenly, we can clearly see something we couldn’t see before. Where there was no path before there is one now. Make time for you and fulfilment of the things that are important to you – no matter what these are.

Connect with your senses

Summer gives us a great opportunity to be more outdoors, enjoy the warm weather and have more fun. It also invites us to connect more with our senses and through this to re-connect with the present moment.

When was the last time you ate something truly tasty, and actually fully enjoyed all the flavours and colours of the food in front of you? That is without looking at your phone, watching TV or being distracted in any other way. We sometimes tend to do multiple things at the same time to manage everything, but we actually don’t pay full attention to anything properly and so we lose the present moment.

I would encourage you to listen more to the closest people you live with. Give them your full attention. How many times have they been telling you something and you kind of listened but also thought about what you need to sort out by the evening or what you need to buy for dinner? Actively listen to the people around you and be more aware of other sounds too.

Touch is also an important sense. Be more aware of the things you touch – for example materials, fabrics but also water. And of course, human touch is so important for our wellbeing - enjoy and experience it more with your loved ones.  

Summer is time for holidays and breaks. Everything is more vibrant. People visit different countries, go to beaches, explore different places and new cultures. These encounters bring new smells with them as well and an opportunity to engage more actively with this sense.  

And finally, really see what’s going on around you. Pay attention to the path you take and to the details on your way to work. This weekend, I would like to invite you for a walk. Wake up earlier and go to a park or forest that is nearby or go for an early morning run. If you live in a busy city centre – could you find a park nearby? You will notice that the morning atmosphere is different, all is quieter giving you an opportunity to start the day in a calm way.

Reconnecting with your senses empowers you and you feel more alive. You start to be more aware of your surroundings and take in more the beauty that is around you. There are so many wonderful things around us and paying more attention to them is vital for our wellbeing.

Where will you go this weekend?

What is your purpose?

Finding a purpose in life is crucial as it changes everything. It gives our days meaning and us a direction. It helps us to focus on a particular thing because we know that it matters. We also often feel in the flow when we work towards our purpose because it connects with something deeper in us.

When we have a purpose, we know we have another chance to make things work if initially we didn’t succeed. We know that it’s all about learning and moving forwards one step at a time. It allows us to create and through that process we grow. We also know when we lack a purpose because there is no motivation and no vision and therefore, we don’t feel inspired to move on.

An apple tree knows its purpose. When spring arrives – new leaves burst out and flowers start to bloom indicating another season, another cycle. Nature always knows its purpose demonstrating it in four different seasons. Trees, flowers and plants know what to do. It’s the same with us because we are part of nature. Deep inside us we are clear about the purpose but sometimes it can get hidden or we can lose sight of it and so lack confidence to strive for something. However, there is always a way back. We have the capacity to start anew with optimism. We always have another chance to create again.

If you are not clear about your purpose, take some ‘you’ time and have a think where you are heading and if that’s the direction you want to take. There is no better season than spring to recalibrate, take action and make things happen. Change what you need to change and by making small steps forwards you regain inspiration and as a result you will also feel more joy in life.

What is your purpose?

On the True Spirit

In the past, I wrote a couple of my blog posts as reflections on a movie I watched or a good book that I read. One of the movies that inspired me lately was ‘True Spirit’. It’s based on a book written by Jessica Watson.

‘On May 15, 2010, after 210 days at sea and more than 22,000 nautical miles, 16-year-old Jessica Watson sailed her 34-foot boat triumphantly back to land. She had done it. She was the youngest person to sail solo, unassisted, and nonstop around the world.’

The movie is about Jessica’s life and the journey that she decided to do, the incredible support from her parents and other people who believed in her. Being a parent myself, I asked my partner after we watched it: ‘how could you send your child out to the sea?’ And he said, ‘you don’t send them, you let them.’

She encountered many challenges on her journey but she did it. She had a dream and she was brave enough to do it.

Have you ever had a big dream that seemed quite impossible, so it was parked to the side? Did you always want to do something adventurous or extraordinary, but you were told it won’t work so you never tried?

Now it’s the time. In our lives we tend to regret not really the things we did but what we didn’t do. We all have some kind of calling, we all feel inspired by something or we are drawn to certain things. It’s important to follow these because they give us joy but also purpose. And as a great coach Christine Kane said it’s important to remember to take decisions from the place where you want to be and not from where you are. If you can imagine what it would be like it can happen. Surround yourself by people who support you, who have a similar mindset and start working towards it. The satisfaction that you get from accomplishing all the little steps on the way there will be profound. I am not saying that it will be easy. There will be times when you will feel challenged and fear will sneak in. But this is all fine for when we are stepping up to something bigger, we do need to face challenges. They are there to make us stronger and prepare us for the next step. We can never accomplish anything exciting and extraordinary when we stay in our comfort bubble.

What is the adventure that you are up for?

What are you going to do today as a first step towards it?

Having fun

Fulfilling my commitment to write two blogs per month – here is my second blog post in February. I had a couple of ideas on my mind (rather ‘serious’ ones that require a longer blog), but I decided to keep it short and write it on something rather unexpected.

Today my son had pancake races at his nursery. Parents were welcome to join as well. I went with him wondering how the event will go. It was great fun and a good opportunity to meet other parents and speak more to the nursery teachers. The little ones had little pans (ping pong bats were the pans) and on top of them was a pancake made from playdough. In the first race they had to run across the community hall and in their second race also run and flip the pancakes. They were divided into small groups according to age. When their races were finished it was the turn of the mums and dads. We all had to wear an apron and a hat, and we ended up laughing a lot just by looking at each other. Clearly all the parents had fun and it provided an excellent opportunity to be in the present moment.

It made me think how much space do we give to fun things in our lives? Especially later when we are older. Your week can be full of responsibilities and commitments; we have established work routines and family routines. But it’s nice to do something that is fun and a bit unexpected and there is no anticipation of a particular result. Sometimes it’s just nice to do something for fun only.

Is there anything that you could do this weekend that would bring you fun and joy?

The importance of self-care and having ‘you’ time

It has been a long time since I wrote the last blog. A lot has changed for me in the last two years or so. The biggest change came with becoming a mum. It has been one of the best things that happened to me. It also changed my lifestyle considerably. Now it’s time to reconnect with writing and share with you some thoughts on topics that might resonate with you.

Last week my very good friend wrote to me about checking my blog if anything new has been written and so I feel even more motivated to get going!

I enjoy writing blogs but I haven’t done so for over two years for different reasons but mainly it was about having a different focus and responsibilities. Now I feel like I want to go back to writing. However, doing it after such a long break is not easy so I started with making a decision that I will write two blogs per month and I put those dates in my diary. I committed. It would be of no help wanting to write more and putting pressure on me as that would not work. At the beginning I need to start slow – create a structure and some habits that will help me to get there.

From my experience with working with research students one of the main things for them to achieve their goals and enjoy the process is to break bigger tasks into smaller achievable steps. Once they experience completion, they feel more motivated and they also regain momentum.

We have different priorities at different life stages. Becoming a parent has changed a lot for me but I have also realised that it’s important to keep some space and time for me even though it might be limited. This ‘you’ time gives you opportunity to step back, reflect, recharge and energise. It has also a positive impact on everything else you do. Can you start small? For instance, could you block two 30min slots in the week for doing something you love? This might be going for a walk, reading, exercising. The main thing is that you put your phone down and don’t let yourself being distracted. If needed share it with your family so they now that during that time you can’t be doing anything else.

The tendency often is to expect of you to do 4 hours of something per week (e.g. exercise). In reality, however, this is not possible for you (at the moment) and as a result this leads to frustration that nothing gets done. But perhaps you could do those two 30min blocks as a starting point?

Whatever it is that you wanted to do – just do it. Start small and enjoy it. Choose a specific day, select a time and commit. Then show up. You will feel great after you have done it. Remember that this is just a beginning and gradually you will be able to do more and expand what you want to do.

I am starting with writing two blogs per month. My next step is going back to my karate practice and creating a better routine to enable me to train consistently.

And what is it that you would like to go back to?

Two years...

Exactly two years ago I set up my coaching business and embarked on a freelance coaching route. After years spent in full-time employment this was a massive change. It was one of the best things I have done in my life though.

Months before I took the decision to hand in my notice, I was not sure if what I was doing was the right thing but I just felt that it’s time for a change. I wouldn’t have done it without support and encouragement from the people around me even though the decision to do it was entirely up to me.

In this blog, I want to share a few things that were vital for me making that step. These can be applied not just when you decide to set up a business but whenever you are standing in front of a key decision that will inevitably change things in your life.

• Create your network: finding ‘your tribe’

There were several key people who supported me considerably with the decision – my partner, my coach and my karate teacher. I also had a mentor via a leadership development programme for women that I was taking part in at that time. These four people were critical because they empowered me to take the step, helped me to believe it will work and asked me important questions to reflect where I was then and where I wanted to be.

Therefore, surround yourself by people who encourage you, who motivate you and who see possibilities and solutions rather than obstacles and problems.

Reach out to people who have already got where you want to be and ask them questions. I have done it with several coaches, and they were all incredibly nice and supportive sharing with me advice and materials to help me started. Of course, I had my doubts at the start – what if people don’t want to talk to me? What if I shouldn’t have done this? But once you start taking steps forward your focus shifts to possibility and opportunities. You also become more creative.  

• Take courage

Courage has been something that I had to take to step forwards into uncertainty trusting that this is the right way for me. If you don’t try you will never find out. As the saying goes - in life we regret most the things that we haven’t done. So go and explore, try things that appeal and see how it works. Once you decide to make the first step the path will become clearer.

• Establish your working plan

I remember that my last working day as an employee was on a Friday and then the Monday after I was already a self-employed person sitting in my own home office. This was a big change – from open plan office being part of a team – to being on my own. That was a bit scary at the start. What really helped me was to have a structure from day one. Weeks before I finished my employment I came across the book ‘Build your business in 90 minutes a day’ by Botterill and Gladdish. The concept of block work, setting clear tasks and knowing when I start and when I finish my working day were vital for my productivity and a good start.

When there’s a change in your working pattern or you embark on a totally new route think about how you can create some structure to your days. It will help you to see purpose behind your days and by setting clear intentions you will have a framework that you can hold on to. Of course, there were days (and still are!) when I felt I was not productive at all and that’s normal. What matters is to recommit and get back to work the day after.

• Be active

When I started my business, I read lots of books, did free online courses, talked to people, set up my LinkedIn profile, established my website.. What also mattered was to explore - with the support of my coach - who I want to serve as a coach, who my ideal client is and who – not just on the basis of my own life experience – I can best support allowing me to use all my strengths and skills that put me in the so called ‘zone’.

If you want to embark on anything new, think about who you know that you can talk to about the path, what can you access and read about it. Being proactive will get you started. Reflect and then take some action steps.

• Practice, practice, practice

Starting your own business or anything new requires patience and practice. You won’t have clients set up from day one and systems established at the same time. It’s part of a process that takes some time but it will all fall into place. For me, it was about practising coaching. I have then got my first paid private client after 5 months of starting my business. I was ready. These five months gave me space and time to prepare, practice, set up things and systems, become more confident, reach out to people and raise my profile. After that all accelerated and I haven’t looked back!

I know now that I found the right place I want to be because my work as a coach fulfils me and gives me opportunities to support others to achieve their goals and ambitions. I can’t think of a better work.

• Celebrate

This is something that I have learnt from my coach and I have written about this in one of my blogs. Celebrating your achievements is really important – it allows you to pause, reflect, take stock and stay for a while with that success. This acknowledgement will help you to bring more of these into your life. It is powerful to be grateful for these steps no matter how small or big they are.

Is there something you always wanted to do or begin? Start small, make a plan and if you need support find a good coach who will empower you along the way. It will be all worth it.

I want to thank all the people who have been there since the start of Insolo Coaching – my family, friends, colleagues, coaches, supporters and all my clients who have given me an opportunity to grow and positively impact on their lives. It has been a magical journey and I look forward to the next part of it.

Impostor syndrome

I was planning to write about this topic a long time ago. Not only because it’s one of the things I experienced myself but more so as it has come up in my work with researchers very often. The feeling of not being adequate, not doing enough and other people finding out that you are a fraud and actually should not be doing this project, this PhD or teaching because you simply don’t have the right skills and there are too many other people being far better and more confident than you… or so the story goes.

Elaine Bailey, a great business and life coach, sees this syndrome as a ‘story that you are telling yourself’. There is often something that triggers it which can be linked to fear which then further leads to you giving your power away. In the end, as she says, you sabotage your own process. What matters most here is to recognise that what you are telling yourself is only a story – it’s not the truth! It’s a pattern that has been created and turned into a habit.

The key questions she invites you to ask here are: What is triggering you to feel like an impostor? When does it show up? This creates more self-awareness and you can recognise better what situations bring it up. One of the ways to deal with it is also to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself.

‘Trigger is only a trigger if it hooks you up with a story’, Elaine continues.

If you manage to recognise it, you get a chance not to be taken blindly on a journey you don’t want to be on. You have a choice – a choice to choose your own story.

If feeling like an impostor has been part of your professional or research life for a long time it probably became a habit. However, as every habit it can be changed – if you decide to do so.

Choose your own story – while being kind to yourself – and you will get to reframe the situation. This reframing opens different options and alternatives (I wrote more about reframing in this blog). It also takes you away from feeling like a victim to being a creator. Remember, it is you who creates your own life.

What story do you want to tell yourself?

What is success?

Success means different things to different people and there is no one way of defining it. The organisation you are working at, your university department, your family, the culture you were brought up in and your friends might have their own way of defining and understanding it. For them it might seem ‘the only’ and ‘the right’ way. But what success means to you is very personal.

We can associate different senses with our vision of success and what it represents. Can you pause for a second and ask yourself what success means to you? What comes up for you? Are you on the right path towards where you want to be, or does it feel like you are following somebody else’s road to success? You can always change if this is not what you want.

As Arianna Huffington writes in her book Thrive: ‘To live the lives we truly want and deserve, and not just the lives we settle for, we need a Third Metric, a third measure of success that goes beyond the two metrics of money and power, and consists of four pillars: well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving’. She continues: ‘Every conversation I had seemed to eventually come around to the same dilemmas we are all facing – the stress of overbusyness, overworking, overconnecting on social media, and underconnecting with ourselves and with one another. The space, the gaps, the pauses, the silence – those things that allow us to generate and recharge – had all but disappeared in my own life and in the lives of so many I knew.’

How much is well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving present in your life? Do you feel there is enough space and quietness?

Keeping all in balance is an art that we get better with through experience, through understanding better what matters most in our lives, what priorities we have and what values we live by. Often it doesn’t matter so much if things get off balance but how quickly we can reinstate the equilibrium that centres us in our lives – or at least come closer to it.  

How does success look, feel or smell like for you?

Research work during the summer

There are three months until the start of the new academic year and the Michaelmas term. On one side, it seems quite a long time but on the other, it will pass by quicker than you think.

Many researchers want to take a break and have time off but equally they want to make sure that they move forward with their work in some respect. In many ways, it’s about staying connected to the research and having some kind of thread going through the months leading you to the start of the new academic year.

Here are some tips that can be useful when planning your summer:

·       Starting from the result: Where do you want to be at the end of September?

Asked differently: What would you be happy with? What would you call a good summer?

Think about all that you would like to accomplish in the next three months that would put you in a good position prior to the start of October. Is there any reading, writing, researching or networking that you want to do? If yes, make a list of all ideas and thoughts that you have. Use a mind map if that works for you. Put everything down on paper without judging your thoughts or being critical to any ideas that come up.

·       Creating a bigger picture and taking action: Make a plan

Now that you know what you want to get done you have got more clarity. The next step will be to work backwards from the end of September to today – How many weeks are available? How much time off do you want to take? Is there a week or two where you won’t do any work? After this, realistically map the weeks and days that you could use. If you have another research or consulting job that you do side to side with your own research, get clear how much time you want to dedicate to both (e.g. 2-3 days to consulting and 1-2 days to PhD work).

·       Getting granular!

It’s vital to have a bigger picture and understand where you want to be in three months’ time but the next key step is to break the plan down and look at individual months, weeks and eventually days. You can have a brilliant bigger picture but if you don’t take small steps every day to get there it will just remain an idea or a vision that won’t come true.

What this also means is breaking your goals into smaller doable tasks. For example, if you say that you want to do some reading during the summer – What does it mean? Which books or journals do you want to read? Have you got a list? If you want to focus on writing a piece of research or an article, start with creating an outline and make a list of all the things that you want to do to get it done. Then you can start allocating specific tasks to specific weeks and days. What matters is to set clear parameters for your work – be clear when you want to start your working day and finish it, specify a day ahead how many working blocks you want to do and allocate tasks to them.

·       Checking in every week

Incorporate into your week some reflection. This will help you to increase your self-awareness. Look back at the whole week that passed by and take stock. What did go well? What did you achieve? What did not go according to plan and how are you going to redesign the schedule for going forwards to make it work next week?

·       Being kind to you and enjoying what you do

The general thought around PhDs is that they are hard. Often, even before you embark on a research journey, you are told to get prepared for hardship and challenges. Sure, doctorate is a demanding, complex and intellectually stimulating experience that brings blocks and problems – all of these are solvable though. It is part of the process, but you have a choice over how you deal with them – and vitally how you re-frame what happened.

Crucially, there is also space for joy. When you are feeling down and research doesn’t produce the results you wanted reconnect with your intention – Why did you start the PhD? Look for solutions, change perspectives and talk to other people around you – PhD colleagues, other academics and your supervisors. This research community will often help you to reflect and redesign your steps. Remember that you are not on your own in this – there is help and support available, but you need to take action and ask for it.

When are you making your summer plan?

Books...

I love reading. It is an activity that brings me joy and I find bookshops magic places where I can spend hours without noticing how much time has passed by.

This blog is slightly different from my usual ones. I want to share with you a list of books that had an impact on me over the years. They all came at a stage when I needed them as they brought some learning I was able to apply into practice straightaway. Mostly, they led me to where I am now and they helped me to reflect, grow, change things that needed it and enjoy what I do.

I share them with the intention that they might inspire you to do something or bring content that will be of interest. For research students the end of the summer term is here and in the next couple of months you might have more space and be in the right mindset to open a book that is not necessarily linked to your literature review or your thesis context chapter!

For a start, here is a list of 13 books (in no particular order):

·       Designing Your Life: Build a life that works for you by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans – this is a classic for me. I was fortunate to meet Bill in 2015 at a book talk in London and grateful he accepted my invite to deliver a workshop at the university where I was working back then. It was on the topic of this book. The main message stayed with me – we are all designers working on our next best version or a prototype. Because we work on prototypes we can never fail – we learn what doesn’t work so that our next prototype be it work project/chapter/creative work will be better. It’s a funny book that includes a number of practical reflective exercises that will help you at any stage of your life/career.  

·       Mindset by Dr Carol S. Dweck – fantastic book on growth and fixed mindset. It’s the mindset that is often stopping us to achieve great things and reach our potential. The great thing is that we have full control over it and so the opportunities it brings are endless. This book had a profound impact on me and how I started to look at situations and what was happening to me. 

·       Leading by Alex Ferguson with Michael Moritz – you don’t need to be a Manchester United fan to enjoy this book! It’s a great book on leadership applied on and off of the pitch. It reminds us that the greatest leadership lessons are widely applicable in all areas of our life.  

·       Thrive by Arianna Huffington – a book about reconnecting with ourselves discussing topics of prioritising, managing challenges and talking about a redefinition of success. This is Arianna’s personal story that inspires to make a change.  

·       The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle – I came across this book over seven years ago. It connected the dots for me and provided answers to some of the transformative changes that I was going through at that time. It is very much about reconnecting with the present that can transform our experiences and our way of thinking.  

·       Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg – a book that has the ability to empower any woman to stand up for herself and reach her potential. A good read for men too!

·       Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant – this is a book on how to deal with adversity, become resilient and reconnect with joy. Sheryl’s very personal and honest story of how to deal with loss provides some valuable lessons.

·       Radio Heaven by Dr Sam Collins – an inspirational story written by a great coach. It also provides reflective questions for each of us to pause and think about the course of our life and the potential we have.

·       Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert – what is creativity? This is a book about curiosity, courage, reconnecting with creativity, magic and exploring how to make things more vivid, joyful and daring to do them despite the fear that we can feel.

·       The Element by Ken Robinson with Lou Aronica – this book is about finding out what really makes you tick and devoting to it your time; it’s about exploring when you are in the zone; about finding the crossroads between your passions and talents. It’s full of many moving stories and well worth the read for its impact can be profound.

·       The Art of Being Brilliant by Andy Cope and Andy Whittaker – a very funny book with many powerful messages. As the authors say here, success is not about becoming a different person but rather finding out what really works for you and then doing more of it.

·       Build Your Business In 90 Minutes A Day by Martin Gladdish and Nigel Botterill – when I started my business this book has helped me from day one. I was able to create a structure in my day, work towards goals and keep my focus. This book is not just for entrepreneurs but all those who work on projects, dream about starting something new or just simply want to work with time better.

·       The Positive Leader by Jan Mühlfeit and Melina Costi – this book is very much about exploring your strengths and managing your energy. Once you know what you are good at and what naturally flows to you you can spend more time doing it. It comes down to self-awareness. Unlocking your strengths can open a new path for you where you can achieve your potential and become an inspiring leader.

In addition, here is my special collection for those who are runners or enjoy sports widely:

o   Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

o   Eat and Run by Scott Jurek with Steve Friedman

o   North by Scott Jurek

o   Endure: Mind, Body and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance by Alex Hutchinson

o   Alone on the Wall by Alex Honnold with David Roberts

o   Believe by Nicola Adams

o   401: The man who ran 401 marathons in 401 days and changed his life forever by Ben Smith

o   Roger Federer: Quest for Perfection by Rene Stauffer

At the moment, I am reading The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. I have a feeling this will be added to the list too!

What books had an impact on you? Is there one particular book that stands out?

What are you reading at the moment? If you could write a book what would it be about?

Settling into new ways of working

The current virus situation has affected all aspects of our life and we had to change our routines and habits. There is uncertainty about how long this will go on for which is unsettling. We can’t predict the length of it but what we can do is direct our attention to areas that support us. Even at times like this we can decide on how we structure our days, what we focus on and what we give our energy.

Structure

For many, working from home has now become a new standard. Suddenly we all feel the change – there’s no travelling, no lunches with colleagues and direct interactions are minimal. At home, we are using the same space for work, relaxation and family.

If you are working from home treat it as if you would be at work. Decide when you are starting, take regular breaks and be clear when you want to finish. Creating a new routine will help you to move through the day and keep your focus. What are your tasks for the day? Do you know exactly what you want to work on? If you would get only one thing done in the day which one would it be?

When you work from home the working boundaries can become blurrier. It’s especially now that it’s important to be clear when your working day finishes, and your laptop shuts down. Make sure you have some down time at the end of the day.

Attention

Choose actively where your attention goes. Make a deal with yourself on how much time you spend on social media, phone and TV. Keep informed about what matters but if the first thing you do in the morning is check your phone, facebook, other social media and read news your morning is probably not very productive as you are too distracted to focus. When you start your day like this you ‘react’ to what’s happening around you. Instead, work on focussing during your morning on what you need to do and rather ‘create’. Our phone can be distractive in normal times – now it’s full of negative news, people’s opinions and it’s a good medium to transfer fear (if you let that happen). If you feel fear stay with it for a while; don’t try to pretend it’s not there or resist it.

If you meditate keep up your practice. Even five minutes a day can make a difference. Be consistent with activities that centre you and do them regularly. Create spaces for doing nothing in the day. We have trained our brains to do something all the time, to engage, to solve, to think.. You can see it everywhere around – if people have a minute to wait somewhere or there is a brief space for not having anything to do the reflex is to grab the phone. It’s almost like an addiction. Can you imagine pausing and spend 5-10 minutes just being, drinking your coffee or tea but doing nothing else?

Now it’s the right time to create new habits that will help you in the next weeks and months. Self-care is vital.

Explore

In many ways, we now have more time for other activities and interests we haven’t dedicated enough time to before. This creates new opportunities. Have you always wanted to go back to drawing, painting, cook some great new recipes, bake, spend more time in the garden, update your personal website, sort your LinkedIn profile, clear out draws in your rooms or paint the flat? Now is a good time. We can be good at coming up with excuses why there is no time to do it. If you want to do something – give it your time. Even if it’s an hour per week it will make a difference. What matters is to decide in advance when are you going to do it. If you leave it to ‘sometime in the week’ it will never happen.

Communicate

This current situation has somehow brought us closer. We talk more to our family, friends and colleagues. We realise how much we appreciate people’s presence in our lives and how good it is to have a chat with a colleague or discuss something in person. Keep in touch with those who matter to you but also speak to your work colleagues. You can also create online communities and groups and keep connected via skype or zoom – it might help with writing and working on your projects. Many feel the isolation and one-way forwards is to use the technology to keep connected. If you are working on your research thinking that others are busy dealing with their own stuff you would be surprised that they go through the same and would appreciate the contact and being part of a group.  

Plan B

The current situation might have massively impacted on your working and travelling plans. Perhaps you planned a fieldwork, conference presentation or even long planned vacation or visiting family living abroad. If it can’t happen – what can you do?

With fieldwork – could you move it to the next academic year? If that’s not going to work what are alternative ways of getting your data? Can you now work on a project/chapter that doesn’t require empirical data? Change is part of our days and if you can adapt, focus less on the problem but more on the solution you will help yourself to move forwards. Give yourself space to explore all options.

Nature

We are now spending more time indoors than ever. If you can, go to nature for a walk. If you are a runner keep up your practice. Nature has a lot of healing power and just being there – not surrounded by man-made things – will have a positive impact on your wellbeing.

We will go through this. People will reflect once this is over and a lot of learning will be taken out of this experience. Until then, keep well and look after you.  

Perfection

We all want to do good work with whatever we do but sometimes perfection comes into the picture and it stops us from the real action. It brings a feeling that we are not ready yet. You might be working on a chapter, preparing a report or a presentation, thinking about going to a conference, applying for a job or a grant. What perfection might cause is that you feel paralysed to do anything.

The problem with waiting for the right moment to start something is that it never comes. We need to create it and decide that this is it. Then the energy shifts and with placing your attention at the task you will be able to move on. The key is to start small.

Perhaps it’s time that you start doing things imperfectly. If you are working on a paper or a chapter, it’s about deciding when you will do it and then committing to stick with it without going over the first sentence hundred times and trying to polish it before you get going. Start with a clear outline and then allow yourself to write without the focus being on the number of words written but rather the content.  

When you act imperfectly you also take courage. Anything big and successful has started from small steps, imperfect action and experiencing some sort of failure. This is how we learn. It is through this process that you will start to get to know yourself better.

What are you going to start imperfectly this week?

Joy

Do you feel like you have enough fun in your life? The standard answer might be ‘there’s no time for it as work takes over’. It’s almost like we sometimes feel guilty to have fun.

When we do things in the week that bring us joy other aspects of our life improve. That spark gets transferred to other areas of our life. We first need to allow for these things to happen. Do you like running, photography, walking in the nature, singing or painting but you say there is no time in the week to do it? How about you start small and decide to do it once a week. When you decide, pick a day and choose an exact time. When we leave things to chance, they won’t happen. Doing it sometime in the week when you get time, effectively means not doing it. You can also find a community that would be supportive of what you do – join a running club, a choir, a community of photographers.

If you feel like you actually don’t know what brings you joy, it’s time to explore! Start with something. Think about what you used to enjoy in the past and slowly reconnect with these things. Deep inside you know what it is that brings you joy but you might need to go deeper and pause a bit, so that your world can slow down and you can start recognising the things that matter.

In order to bring more fun in your life perhaps you need to say no to some things or some people. Maybe you take part in some meetings or events that you actually don’t enjoy and maybe you spend time with people who don’t encourage you and take your energy. By saying no to some things, you will make space to say yes to others.

What one thing will you do this week that brings you fun and joy? When will you do it?