Insights

Insights are moments when suddenly things click, something becomes clear and we know what our next step will be, an idea pops up that we haven’t considered before, a connection gets created, a new perspective opens up or we unexpectedly understand something that didn’t make sense before.

Insights are magic moments.

For an insight to happen your mind needs to quieten down. When you feel overwhelmed and stressed out it’s difficult to come up with a solution to a problem. When your attention is all over the place and you feel distracted it won’t work. It’s when you pause that you can look within and get answers to some deeper questions. It often means allowing intuition to play a role too.

What helps is having a weekly time for reflection, some ‘you time’ when you reflect on how the week went, take credit for what you achieved, think about stuff that needs adjusting and your key plans for the coming week. Doing this once a week or at least once every other week will make a difference. It will help you to slow down.

To start you first need to allow yourself this time and decide when exactly you do it. Make it non-negotiable and show up. It will bring you results, and open space for insights.

When will you have your reflection time this week?

Reframing and the power of choosing

Sometimes things don’t go according to plan, you don’t achieve the expected results or things happen that are challenging your confidence bringing questions if your work is worth it. Perhaps you didn’t get a promotion, didn’t pass an exam, a presentation didn’t go as you wished, your journal article was rejected or returned with major revisions or you got negative feedback on your draft chapter. You feel like a total looser. But it can be a lot simpler – you could have missed the tube, forgot your travel card at home and had to return, got stuck on a bus and missed an appointment. The day has started in a wrong way..

When we experience these moments, we always have a choice about how we respond to the situation and mainly – how we interpret it. This is called reframing.

Our thoughts create our emotions and understanding this in the first place gives us more control over how we actually feel. What matters here is how developed our self-awareness is and if we are able to observe the moment when our thought process changes, when negative thoughts occur about what happened. In that moment, reframing allows us to ‘rewrite’ the script and come up with a different story that is supportive and helping us to move ahead. Reframing brings us to design thinking. If you haven’t heard about design thinking yet and would like to find out more one of the best books on this is Designing your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.

Reframing a situation is one of the ways we can look at something that happened and see the teaching that we got rather than just the failure. It was Nelson Mandela who said: I never lose. I either win or I learn. There is so much wisdom in this quote. This change in mindset makes us feel different.

At the beginning reframing might not sound like an easy concept but by adopting it you will create new habits and the way you think will change. What is vital is the shift away from blaming yourself for what happened and instead asking: What can you learn from the situation? What would you do differently next time?

If you can answer these questions you are moving from focussing on a problem – and often being stuck in the past – to giving attention to a solution and so looking to the future. Metaphorically, there are lots of routes leading to different destinations and different gates that you can enter.  It’s only you who can decide which path to take and what to focus on.

If you are interested to read more about the brain in an engaging way incl. reframing, I very much recommend Your Brain at Work by David Rock. It’s an excellent book showing practical examples (stories of a working couple and their family) how your brain works and how you can change the way you work and feel transforming your results.

Did something happen in the last couple of weeks that challenged you? Looking back at it – how could you reframe the situation, so you feel empowered to move forwards?

Look up

Last week I was sitting in a room waiting for an appointment. There were five other people and all of them were on their phone. Travelling on the tube, I saw a very similar scenario. People put their headphones on and check their phones. You can see it in the street as well. Whenever there is a minute of waiting – the first inclination is to check the phone. When I see secondary school kids going to school in the morning, in most cases, they are looking at their phones.

Mobiles are an amazing thing – they allow us to connect, share pictures and the technology these days is incredible. However, it often creates pressures and totally different problems relating to our wellbeing. The first thing that many people do in the morning is grab their phone and check social media and emails. Then throughout the day they keep checking the phone several times. As a result, anxiety and struggles to focus come up more often than before. We are living in a time when people can’t imagine being without their phones.

When was the last time you marvelled at something? When did you last time pause, breath in and out and appreciate that moment for its beauty? It’s an amazing thing when you can give somebody or something your full attention. Babies are a great example – when you spend time with them – they bring you to the present moment and the same happens when you are in nature.

Here is what I would like to encourage you to do: have one day or at least an afternoon during the week without a mobile. Go outdoors and spend time with the people who are there with you - be it your family or friends. Being able to give them and the environment hundred percent of your attention will also make you feel different and you will connect with the present more. How many times has it happened that you walked somewhere or travelled, and you can’t remember anything from the route as you were on your phone?

For many people, mobiles have created an addiction. That constant urge ‘just to check’ is messing up our brains. We interrupt our activities during the day countless times just to look at the phone. We go to restaurants to meet with friends and everybody has the phone on the table. Parents don’t give full attention to their kids as they are on their phones. At work, most people are on the pc or laptop, during the breaks on the phone and on the way home on the ipad to read a book. And then we wonder why we are so disconnected, overwhelmed and easily distracted.

Mobile is useful but it’s also a massive distraction. These electronic devices don’t give you any energy but on the contrary – they take it. Be in control of your gadgets, so that they don’t control you. Put your phone away when you want to focus on your work, and you will see that your results change as well.

What will you do this week during that half day without your mobile?

New Year, new month, new day

January is over half way through, and the New Year has fully rolled out. How were your first couple of weeks this year?

Starting a New Year and in this case also a new decade brings new aspirations, ideas and goals. It’s a good time to take stock, pause and reflect if you are still on the right track in your life direction or if a re-adjustment would be useful.

It’s good to remember though that you can start anew every day. You can re-commit to things and start again. Both commitment and the actual ‘showing up’ are key to getting things done. At times, you might need to re-commit, accept that you slipped and decide on how you want to do things differently. Self-awareness is the magic word here. As long as you learn a lesson and you know what you need to do differently you are moving in the right direction. It’s a process and these opportunities provide you with a space to learn; they are also baby steps important for reaching the bigger goals.

When thinking about recommitting or changing you often know what exactly you don’t want anymore, what doesn’t work and who you don’t want to be anymore – relating to roles, behaviours and skills. For your brain it’s easier to start from the negative – what you don’t want. Can you imagine now changing the perspective and focusing on who you want to BE, what you want to DO and HAVE?

It brings a shift, clears some space and allows your mind and brain to create a new vibration. Vitally, it changes your attention and so your focus. It was a great coach Christine Kane through whom I got introduced to the concept. It changes your perspective and allows you to feel first who you want to be without any obstacles in the way. Once you have clarity over the final result you can design a way towards it – either on your own or with support of somebody else.

Who do you want to BE this year?

What do you want to DO this year?

What do you want to HAVE this year?

Winter

This time of the year we feel more introspective. The weather has changed, it’s a lot colder and there is less light – sun goes down around 4pm and it makes quite a difference to the day. We are less energetic in the evenings and prefer being home gathering around friends and family.

In the winter, it’s good to adjust to this new rhythm - slow down a bit and remember the importance of self-care. Winter is needed so that in the spring the new life comes again. This stage prepares the ground for a new beginning and all that spring brings with it. Living with the seasons is important but we often forget it and push with our life styles through the whole year.

December is coming slowly to its end and with it also this calendar year. How was it for you? Find some time to take stock of all you have done, achieved and completed this year. How much effort and energy did you put into it? What were your three best experiences this year?

I invite you to take some time to reflect and to appreciate what you have done and what lessons you have learnt. Sometimes it’s the challenges that put you on the right path and looking back you get to connect the dots and find meaning in your life experiences. What matters is the learning that you take forwards with you, the changes that you make as a result of it and beyond all - it is your intention that will guide you in the right direction. After all, you are the designer of your life.

What would you do?

Imagine that somebody would give you a grant for 6 months covering all expenses and giving you the freedom to do anything you want. After the 6 months you can return back to your work and all other responsibilities if you want. What would you do?

I asked this question a couple of people around me and all said that they would travel.

What would be your choice? Would you want to travel as well? If yes, where would you go and what exactly would you do? What would you fill those 6 months with?

For some people imagining this might appear quite difficult. I could almost hear some saying ‘It won’t happen – so why bother?’ Well, the point is that usually the things that you said you would like to do are quite important in your life and really matter. They can be pushed aside and never looked at but an important part in your life would be missing.

The clarity over what you would want to do can lead you to doing those things in your own way. Once you consider something important and start giving it your attention more of it will come into your life. Perhaps, it won’t be 6 months in the end but a weekend somewhere for a start? Or one or two weeks?

Look for options how to make things happen rather than finding excuses for why it won’t work. Empower yourself and allow yourself to explore and have the adventure you wanted. It will light up something in you and bring a sparkle that can ignite more joy in your life.

Are you up for it?

In the Mountains

I borrowed the title of this blog post from the title of a book written by Ned Morgan that I am currently reading. In this post, I want to talk about nature and our environment in general including their importance for our creativity, wellbeing and energy recharging.

Two weeks ago, I was in the Lake District (Cumbria, north west of England). It’s a beautiful part of England and going there somehow always feels like returning home. I am not sure if it’s the landscape with hills and mountains around, the quietness, the endless space that you can see when you climb on top of a hill or the lakes and rivers flowing at its own pace that take me into a different kind of flow where ‘I just am’; enjoying being there and my thought processes slowing down. It’s probably a combination of all and as Ned Morgan argues in his book it’s the altitude that contributes to it too.

I read somewhere that being surrounded by man made things pushes us to think all the time. Urban places and busy cities want us to take in so much information and respond to noises, adverts and changing lights. We are constantly processing information, making decisions, problem solving and paying attention to other people. Sometimes just going up an escalator at a busy tube station sends you in a totally different world full of noises and flickering adverts. In contrast, nature just lets you be but in the first place you need to allow that to happen and consciously make time for it.

Being in nature recharges our energy resources. It is especially at times when there is so much to do that finding time for breaks in nature allows us to reconnect with our inner selves and come back to the work tasks with a better focus and clarity. Ned Morgan refers in his book also to several research studies showing that spending time in nature and altitude specifically is good for us. In one of the research studies he refers to, participants spent four days hiking in the wilderness without any technology devices. At the end of the trip, their performance on creative problem-solving increased by 50 percent. This is worth noting.

How many times did you want to be more creative or find a solution to a problem? And what did you do? How often did you stay longer in the office and put in extra hours to work out how to deal with it? Perhaps, the answers would arrive a lot faster if you would get out of the office and change the space.

Our working environment and the space where we live has an enormous impact on our wellbeing but also work productivity. You can probably reflect and think about a space that doesn’t work for you and when you stay there you can’t focus and your productivity is low. Equally, you can probably quite quickly say a number of places where you somehow feel more energy and motivation. Aim to pay attention to your working and living environment and make changes if needed to help you feel better. Sometimes small steps can bring extraordinary results.

As a part of your self-care, I would like to invite you to find some time and space in your week when you go to a park or once in a while, spend a weekend in the hills or mountains. If there’s a park near your work, take 20 minutes during your lunch break and have a walk there. It will motivate you even further to leave your desk! We were not made to sit all day at desks but move. When walking in the park, just observe what’s around you, take in the colours and be in the present moment. Pay attention to your surroundings - that also means not checking your phone or other devices.

When are you going for a walk?

Who would you like to meet?

Imagine that you can meet 5 people who are still alive who you admire for something. Who would these people be?

Often, the reason why you admire them is something that is reflected back on to you as your own value and good. As a great coach, Derek Rydall, commented on this in one of his podcasts, it’s a reflection of the good that is within you, that you have perhaps not fully owned and this is an opportunity to own it. On a similar note, Jan Mühlfeit and Melina Costi wrote in their book The Positive Leader: ‘Often your personal values are elements that you admire in others’.

Have you ever thought about it in this way? That the people you admire have some qualities and values that you possess too? That the good that attracts you to them resonates with you because it’s in you too and it might be that you haven’t fully owned it yet?

I was thinking about the people I would like to meet. I came with these:

Alex Honnold, climber and free soloist; Christine Kane, coach and business owner; Scott Jurek, ultramarathon runner; Pavol Barabáš, film director, adventurer and traveler and Roger Federer, professional tennis player.

Gordon Buchanan, a Scottish wildlife filmmaker would have been on the list too but early this year I had a chance to meet him and speak to him at a Photography Show in Birmingham where he had a talk. It was an amazing encounter. I respect him for all the work he has done. Next month, I am going to a talk with Nicola Mendelsohn, Vice-president of Facebook for EMEA who is an inspiring woman and a great leader. She is another person who is on my list - but not for long!

To be honest, the list above could have been a lot longer! But it’s a good start.

Where would you start?

Who would you want to meet?

Holiday

Today, I want to write about holiday not only because it’s summer and it feels like the best time for a blog on this topic.  

After a very long time, I went on a summer holiday and it was the most amazing break. It made me think how often we don’t take a break and keep on working or just don’t find the time to allow ourselves to take a break. Sometimes other priorities take over.

Each of us has a different ideal holiday and a vision of how a perfect holiday looks like and how we want to spend our time off.

When you plan your working year, first decide when you want to take a holiday and where you want to go. Put it in your diary, book the time off and schedule your work around it. It might seem crazy and you might think that work comes first and you could not possibly afford this way of planning. Do it and you will see the difference. Your work will go around it – remember that you decide what takes priority in your life and what really matters.

When you will be looking back at the year you will most probably remember all the great memories and experiences you had during your holiday and places you visited. You will remember your work successes and progress you made but the number of spreadsheets completed and reports written probably won’t be the things that will spring to your mind as something most memorable!

You might say that you don’t have time or money to go on a holiday. However, once you make space for a holiday and decide where you would like to go you start working towards it. And you don’t have to go abroad to have a break. This is your time – to relax, reflect, take stock and just let yourself be in the moment. Slow down. Have a break from the tube and trains. Break the morning routine. This is the time to catch up with the pile of fiction books that have been waiting for you. Time to explore. Meet new people. Take pictures. Have fun. Connect with yourself.

And remember to set up your out of office! Have a break from your work emails and reduce social media and technology usage. You will see how this will help to have a real break.

If you have been on holiday already, I hope you enjoyed it. If it’s ahead of you – have a great time, relax and allow yourself to do all the things that you enjoy which bring you pleasure like walking, swimming, sunbathing, exploring, reading, playing...  

You decide – it’s your holiday and you deserve it!

Determination and doing work you love

Watching the Wimbledon finals a couple of weeks ago was an experience – an amazing example of determination, focus and resilience by some of the best tennis players. These are remarkable sportswomen and men who achieve great results mainly because they don’t give up when facing hard ships. They manage their mental focus, stay in the zone and keep their attention on the game. Importantly, they play until the last ball.

Behind their achievements are years and in some cases decades of work, training and experiences. These experiences include the great moments of victory but also failures, mistakes and hardships. They haven’t got where they are by doing one massive step but by doing thousands of small steps and learning every single time they hit the ball.

They have been able to stay at the top for so long – especially in the case of Roger Federer – because they love what they do. People who do well in sport do so because of their skills, talents but also their mindset and attitude. The latter is what affects their success most. Often this is reflected in their personal lives. There’s a lot we can learn from them. As Roger said: ‘You have to believe in the long-term plan you have but you need the short-term goals to motivate and inspire you.’

Find something in life that you love – work that brings you joy, and time almost stops when you are doing it. It is this activity that has the power to bring you happiness and satisfaction. Because you will be using your strengths – it will bring you success. Find what you are good at and practice it. Stay with it and get better.

As Burnett and Evans said in their book Designing Your Life: ‘Work can be a daily source of enormous joy and meaning, or it can be an endless grind and waste of hours spent trying to white-knuckle our way through the misery of it all until the weekend comes. […] You weren’t put on this earth to work eight hours a day at a job you hate until the time comes to die.’ A statement that says it all.

There is an ideal career/calling for everybody. Sometimes what it takes is to pause and reflect; decide where you want to be and then work backwards by making smaller steps and designing your life in a way that works for you. If you feel stuck get a coach who will help you to get clarity over your next steps. Your coach will support you, empower you and make you accountable when you decide and commit to make a change.

I will finish with Roger Federer’s quote: ‘I always believe if you’re stuck in a hole and maybe things aren’t going well you will come out stronger. Everything in life is this way.’

Routines and habits: Why are they important?

We all have some routines and habits that we do every day or every week. Often, these are done rather unconsciously, and we become more aware of them when we feel that something needs to change in our life and we are not getting the results we want.

When do you start working? How do you work? What is your working environment? When is your most effective time to work and what do you focus on during this period? What do you do during the first 90 minutes of your working day?

Once in a while, it’s good to take some time and reflect on your habits. What habits are great and working for you and therefore, good to keep? Which ones are stopping you from achieving your results? And what new habits would be helpful to bring into your life?

Habits are ways and approaches that you have got used to doing. It can often happen that they become so ingrained that you stop questioning them and just say that that’s how you have always done things. Your brain can be rewired, and you can learn new ways of doing things if you remain open.

Social media can be the cause of some major distractions to your working achievements and getting things done by the deadline. How much time do you spend on your phone? Are you constantly responding and reacting? Is your phone the first thing that you check when you wake up? Can you devote a specific hour in your day to checking social media, so that you are the one who controls when you respond? What can you do differently?

Despite how things might look you are totally in control of what you do during the day and where your time goes. You choose your priorities and the time you want to devote to them.

If you decide to change a habit or a routine – allow yourself some time for this. Change takes time, so accept that there is a transition period when things might feel awkward and rather difficult. The trick is to stay with it, keep working with the new routine, keep building a new framework and remain consistent with the little steps that you do. They will move you forwards and soon the ‘new’ routine will become part of your day and create a new structure – and with it a new path - helping you to achieve your results.

Let me know about one habit that works for you and one new habit that you would like to introduce to your working week!

Mistakes

In this blog there is one short story, two quotes and some questions for you to answer.

I was travelling through London Waterloo station yesterday and next to me stood a mum with a child. I am not sure what the little one did but I heard him saying to his mum: ‘it was a mistake, I am sorry’. His mum said, ‘it’s not a mistake but an experience, you have learnt’. I was touched by this and wished there would be more people who would respond in this way.

When you make a mistake, and something goes wrong you have two choices – you can look at it as a failure, as something that is bad and can’t be repaired. This usually comes with language that is self-destructive as you beat yourself up for something that you can’t change anymore. The other option is to accept the situation, learn from it and know what you do better next time. Don’t waste your energy on recycling thoughts of how things went wrong. As long as you know what you would do differently you have learnt. There might be times when you wouldn’t actually do anything differently for a particular reason and that’s fine too. It is your self-awareness that is key here. Reflection helps to look back at something that happened; what matters most though is the action that will follow. 

It was Steve Maraboli who said: ‘As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.’

This is a great quote. Can you start looking at rejections and setbacks as a redirection? Reframe the situation you are in. Sometimes you can’t see the full picture but trust that things will fall into place.

Carlos Acosta, one of the greatest ballet dancers said to a young generation of dancers during his farewell at Royal Ballet Opera House: ‘Allow yourself to make mistakes, there is nothing like right or wrong, there is no such thing as failure because life is a learning process’. He added: ‘So be curious and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy because one day you blink and you realise that 70 years have gone by.’

What recent ‘mistake’ or ‘setback’ can you see as a redirection?

What have you learnt through it?

What action are you taking now?

Are you curious?

When you were a kid you were most probably curious about things, you wanted to explore, look at stuff closer. Everything new was exciting, magic and worth having a look!

As we get older we create our routines which if unquestioned and not reflected upon can stop our creativity and bring more autopilot behaviour to our lives. Being curious and creative somehow goes together. It is also curiosity that helps us to be mindful and more in the moment. When something captures our attention, we are fully focused on exploring what’s ahead of us.

In addition to my coaching, I also teach children karate at a local primary school. It’s a small group of 4-6 years old. At the start, it was a learning curve for me but once I understood their world a little bit more and realised how creative they are and how their imagination is fully used with all they do, I have been able to do some great work with them. They have no problem to visualise anything in a moment, e.g. sitting cross-legged on a beach smelling the sea and focusing on their breath. They can vividly see the colours. And as one of them said at the end of the exercise: ‘The sea was so blue!’

When we get older we lose our imagination and as it has been shown in numerous research projects by the time we get to our twenties our creativity is minimal (if we haven’t been encouraged to keep using it!) in comparison to when we were children.  

Have you always wondered how something feels? Did you want to go somewhere particular to see a play, visit a museum, travel to a place or talk to somebody? Do it. It will bring ‘fresh air’ to your life and uplevel your existence. It is these moments that bring joy into everyday life.

What are you curious about today?

Is there anything creative you can do?

Magic is all around us. Start paying more attention to it, slow down and allow yourself to be an explorer on your own journey. Give it a go – it’s worth it!

What do you give attention to?

As a great business coach Christine Kane says ‘Attention is the daily practice of intention. Your attention is your most powerful creative tool. Energy flows where attention goes...’

When you focus on what doesn’t work in your life you pay attention to those things over those that work. Attention is powerful exactly because of what Christine said – it’s about energy. If you decide that today, you will focus on positive things, what goes well and look for learning rather than where you messed up your perspective changes and your energy shifts. If you are not used to it, it might be harder at the start because your brain has a natural predisposition to focus on the negative.

The good news is that it’s entirely up to you what you pay attention to and therefore you are fully in control.

For example, if you have a supervisor who you don’t feel supported but rather put down by during meetings maybe it’s time to reflect on how these meetings are led and what your input is. Are you coming to the meetings prepared knowing what your agenda is? Are you aware of the key points you want to communicate? Can you take more ownership of the meeting and what you have to say? Can you have a conversation with them about what matters to you and where you need support? Stick with facts and aim for its outcome to be a win-win for both parties. You both want the relationship to succeed for different reasons. Sometimes what’s missing is one open conversation about expectations and the support needed.

I have just finished reading a great book called The Art of Being Brilliant by Andy Cope and Andy Whittaker. I wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s fun with great illustrations on the topic of finding what works for you, doing more of it and as a result, feeling happier. There’s one chapter called ‘Your beautiful mind’ and I would like to share with you some of the thoughts presented there as they are closely related to the topic of this blog. Here is a summary of the main takeaways from the chapter:

Our mind is beautiful but complex. Two things are important – our conscious mind is very logical whereas our unconscious mind is a source of emotions and stores memories. There is one key characteristic of the unconscious mind: it does not process negatives. Therefore (the authors use here a great example) if you are told not to think of a monkey in a pink nappy… what happens? Monkey in a pink nappy is the only thing you can think of! As they then go on to explain, the inability to process negatives means that people attract things into their life that they want to avoid.

What this means in practice is that people think and talk about what they ‘don’t want’, e.g. I don’t want to be late, I don’t want to go to that meeting, I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t want to feel stuck anymore, I don’t want to have a headache. Sounds familiar?

Because the unconscious mind doesn’t process the negatives the focus is exactly on them. As the authors emphasise: ‘what you focus on or think about the majority of the time is what your unconscious mind goes to work on attracting into your life. It works like radar.’

The learning here is simple – focus on what you want to happen rather than what you don’t want. It presents you with a fantastic opportunity to create a life that you want and reminds you that you are controlling things that happen to you. Give it a go today and see what happens!

Let me know how it went and if it has resonated with you.

What energises you?

All of us have some goals in life, dreams that we want to achieve, experiences that we want to have and places we want to visit. Often the focus can be so much on the work, doing things, planning for the next steps, the next project and making things happen that you totally forget about what gives you energy. You might stop only in the moment when you feel exhausted and your energy levels are low. You know that something needs to change - but what?

You might be in the right job using your strengths but the way you work doesn’t work. Or you need more flexible working hours or a different environment for work or you need to re-arrange your workload to address the way you feel. Maybe you need a different role entirely. However, maybe what you need is to start doing more things that bring you energy.  What gives you energy is very important. It’s the fuel that allows you to take the next step and actually enjoy the whole process.

That activity usually also relates to your skills and passions; and you are normally quite good at it. This means that when you do it you get into the zone where time passes by quick and you are totally immersed in the activity. You could do it all day and still go on.

These kinds of activities are important not just because you relax when you do them but also because they bring you to the present moment. Examples include running, drawing, painting, singing, volunteering for an activity or organisation that you care about, photographing, writing, walking in the nature, reading…

We are at our best when we are in the present moment when the focus is on an activity in such a way that our thinking slows down.

Pause for a little while and think about what gives you energy. Are these things part of your every week and do you do them regularly? If not – how can you change it?

As for today - do one thing that energises you and see what happens!

How self-aware are you?

Self-awareness is one of the most important abilities. When you are self-aware you can make more informed decisions, you are able to reflect on your experiences from different perspectives and see what went well and why. You know what your strengths are and what you are not so good at.

Your strengths are your natural talents; you do these things brilliantly without even thinking about them. When you do them you feel in the ‘zone’ and time passes by without being noticed. In addition, it is your strengths that bring joy and satisfaction to your life when you use them. Therefore, when you have a job where you use your strengths you feel happy.

Before setting up my own business and becoming a coach, for four years I led a Personal and Professional development programme for students at Goldsmiths, University of London called the Gold Award. It is a one-year programme focused on increasing students’ self-awareness and self-confidence. It was an experience that taught me a lot and gave me an opportunity to be creative and witness growth of so many young people. They moved the boundaries of what they thought was doable and what they could do. Through written, verbal and creative ways of reflecting on their development and setting goals to achieve they became more self-aware and through that they started to use their potential more. It was a valuable learning for life.  

Any programme that helps students at universities or employees at work to be more self-aware is vital for contributing to their satisfaction and happiness in their life. It is something that adds a valuable practical element to the curriculum at universities and employee development programmes at organisations. Through self-awareness you explore opportunities and discover what works for you. Ken Robinson in his brilliant book The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything says that the Element is ‘the place where the things you love to do and the things that you are good at come together’. We can all find our Element.

As for the weaknesses – it’s good to know them because if you know that you need a particular skill for a role you can always learn it and improve. But don’t just focus on your weaknesses and improve only these and totally forget about what you are good at. When you do what you are good at you shine. If you are not sure about your strengths think back about your experiences – at school, university, the jobs you did, sports you practiced, all personal and professional experiences when things felt right. When did you feel you are doing something great? What do you enjoy doing most?

Once you reflect on this make a list of three skills, activities or abilities which when you do you feel to be in your element. Are you doing them on your job?

Climbing your wall

A couple of weeks ago I watched a documentary called ‘Free solo’ about Alex Honnold’s climb of 3,000 feet (900m) high El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. Alex is an American rock climber and the first and only climber to climb El Capitan without a rope or any supportive equipment. He did it in 3 hours and 56 minutes.

El Capitan is a vertical cliff. To say that this documentary was breath taking probably wouldn’t do it enough justice. During some of the shots I could feel my stomach going up-side down – the videography was incredible and the story that came with it even more powerful. It won an Oscar for the best documentary this year.

It’s unbelievable how far we can go and how we are able to push the boundaries of what is humanly possible. What Alex did was classed by many as an ‘impossible’ feat. But not for him. He said in one of the interviews: ‘you choose your own challenges’. For him it was a dream and a challenge. He didn’t wake up one day and decide that it’s time to climb it. Behind the actual climb that happened on 3 June 2017 were two years of practice, preparation and visualisation. During this time, he climbed the wall with rope endless times building a routine exploring all possible steps and rehearsing, so that when he actually did it - it felt like he was in control knowing exactly where to place his hands and feet.

Obviously, the question about fear and death is at the forefront of climbs like this. He said in an interview: ‘With free-soloing, obviously I know that I’m in danger, but feeling fearful while I’m up there is not helping me in any way. It’s only hindering my performance, so I just set it aside and leave it be.’

Sounds easy?  

What made this climb possible is practice and there is a lesson for us all. If you have a dream you want to achieve – ‘your own wall to climb’ – the only way around it is to prepare for it. You will need to ‘go out there’ and practice. And yes, you will fall a couple of times (while you still have the rope!) and this will allow you to learn what doesn’t work so you can make changes and do it differently next time. The result depends on your effort, focus and the relationship you develop with fear. Fear is not something that can be erased; it will be there but the question is how you control it. As Alex said: ‘You will always feel fear, but over time you will realize the only way to truly manage your fear is to broaden your comfort zone.’

Fundamentally, the more you can stretch your comfort zone the more control you have over your fear to do anything. Your comfort zone expands by preparation and practice.

I am truly humbled by people like Alex who push the boundaries and make us believe that everything is possible. My only experience of climbing was indoors a couple of years ago – I enjoyed it and learnt a lot from it while at the same time being taken out of my comfort zone.  

I will conclude with Alex’s quote:

‘I'm not thinking about anything when I'm climbing, which is part of the appeal. I'm focused on executing what's in front of me.’

What’s in front of you? Do you have an ‘El Capitan’ in your life; something you want to do or achieve which appears difficult?

Be inspired by this story and know that you can.

The power of decision

How often have you been thinking ‘I can’t decide’? You are at a crossroads and it doesn’t even need to be such an important decision to make. For example:

What am I going to cook for dinner? Shall I go out tonight or not? Shall I invite a friend for lunch? Where will we go on holiday? Shall I submit a paper for that conference? Should I deliver a workshop? Shall I raise my hand at a conference or team meeting and ask that ‘burning’ question? Shall I ask for feedback on my chapter? Shall I go to that networking event?

Or the more important decisions…

Shall I change my job? Am I going to commit to this relationship? Will I move to a new house? Shall I ask for a promotion? Shall I finally follow my dream and travel for half a year? Shall I do the yoga course and become a teacher? Shall I get a coach?

Last year my coach told me that the most important thing to do is to decide and it needs to be a very decisive yes or a very decisive no. And then the next most important thing is to run with that decision.

Why is it so important for you to decide? Because if you don’t do that you end up wasting energy by constantly ‘recycling’ your thoughts and going in a circle. Yesterday you thought you will say yes to something but today it doesn’t feel like that anymore and who knows what happens tomorrow?? The week passes by but you can’t focus properly on your work as ‘this decision’ is still on your mind.

Often the thing you want to do is to make ‘the right decision’. But you won’t find out if a decision is right until you decide to make it and take the first step. In fact, perhaps there is nothing like ‘the right decision’ rather there are decisions with different impacts.

Sometimes, we start thinking that what if in three years’ time things will change. Bring yourself back to the present moment and do what you feel is right for you NOW. The rest will take care of itself and as you keep making decisions you will continue to move forwards. In fact, what often matters most is you moving forward. Otherwise, it might feel like you are stuck and literally can’t go anywhere.

Every now and then it might feel that a decision is making you take a step backwards. But this might be the necessary step for you to gain perspective and a bit of distance – look at things in a different light so that you can then take five steps forward. Things are not always linear and going back can actually mean moving forward. And remember, you can always change. 

If you find making decisions a challenge I invite you to do this exercise – for the next two weeks keep making small decisions (e.g. what clothes to wear, what food to order, what to cook, what event to go to…). Don’t ponder on these daily decisions – go with one and stick with it. You will get into the habit of deciding on these small things and through these baby steps you will get more confident.

Remember that if you don’t make your own decisions somebody else will do that for you. You are the creator of your life – make the most of it! If you are facing an important decision and you need support and encouragement to decide on next steps get a coach. Go for somebody who will ask you the right questions to bring more clarity into your decision process; somebody who will make you accountable, so you follow through your action steps; somebody who believes you can do it. Because through that person believing in you, you will start believing in yourself.

Who was your best teacher or a person who inspired you most to do something? Chances are it was somebody who believed you can make things happen. So, start with you now and empower yourself to make a decision. Start with one decision.

The interesting thing is that once you decide on something that has been on your mind for a long time you will feel a liberating feeling and almost a relief. You have just made space for new things to happen…  and yes, more decisions!

Are you up for the exercise? Make clear decisions on smaller things for two weeks. Make notes. Let me know how it went!

How strong are your ‘roots’?

These days, many people would like to progress quickly, get to the next level as fast as possible or use as many short cuts as available to get them there but here is the thing…

Life is not a video game and short cuts do not usually provide lessons for growth.

Building a good foundation or in other words ‘your roots’ for life is very important. You can look at it as a metaphor for building a particular skill set you need to become who you want to be professionally. These ‘roots’ can be seen as the core skills that are relevant. But you can also look at your Doctorate studies or your Post-doc as a way of building the next level of your house. A strong foundation and good roots are important as otherwise as you continue to build your house higher, it could collapse if your foundations are not strong enough meaning you would need to rebuild from the ground up.

When you decide to do something new and perhaps challenging (e.g. do a triathlon, start a PhD), work on a particular activity (e.g. design a series of new workshops, write a conference paper) or decide on your next career step – find out as much as possible about what you need to bring with you to the ‘starting line’. What are the qualities, skills, experiences and mindset that this work requires? (you might already have some of them!) Then go and get them through part-time work, training, volunteering, project work, teaching, workshop organisation, joining groups of like-minded people or reading, so that you acquire new knowledge.

Prepare yourself as best as you can – it is this preparation that builds a foundation for you – something you can always go back to as the core which will give you confidence. Through preparation questions will come up and that means that you are learning and exploring. There are many people around you who would be happy to answer them to support your growth. And if you ever decide to build a different ‘house’ – you can extend the core – the foundation of what you have already built. You will then keep developing your skills while doing.

If you know that there is a certain skill that is important for your work (or for getting to the next level and being promoted) and you are not good at it or confident enough look for opportunities to practice it. At the beginning, it might appear scary because you will be taken out of your comfort zone but it’s the only way to progress. For example, if you need teaching experience the only real way of getting it is by teaching. For a start, you can get advice from others or assist somebody during their seminar delivery, so you get a feel for it but eventually you will need to teach your own class and that’s when you learn the most. You learn by doing. You will also naturally develop your own style and your own signature.

Build a good foundation for everything you do. Spend time on developing your skills and devote time to what makes you better. You will be stronger and more confident for it and as a result you will also inspire others.

What level of ‘your house’ are you building at the moment?

Is there anything that needs to be strengthened in ‘your foundation’? If you need any support with it get in touch!

Where does your motivation come from?

As Hugh Kearns and Maria Gardiner write in Waiting for the motivation fairy: ‘Most people have a fundamental misunderstanding: we like to think that motivation leads to action, or, more simply, that when you feel like doing something, you'll do it’. However, and this is the crucial part: ‘You have to start before you feel ready; then you'll feel more motivated, and then you'll take more action.’

It might sometimes seem easier said than done.

Just imagine one of those days – you need to work on a paper, finish a report or analyse all the research data gathered and you just don’t feel like doing it. It feels indeed like waiting for the motivation fairy to stop by. But she might never come because the motivation needs to be awakened from within you. It is often your attitude in the moment when you feel like not bothering with the work at all or the training that you planned that determines where you go next. If you catch yourself in this moment, stop and pause; acknowledge what’s happening and don’t give in, you have a chance to do something great.

We all have days when we just feel like it doesn’t flow and it’s not worth it. It might not be the perfect day for writing or analysis, but you can still do a good job. You can do the best possible work today and tomorrow based on what you wrote today you might write a brilliant report. All of this, just because you haven’t given up and stayed with the task.

What helps is to create some structure for your day; if you know you have two hours to work on something or an hour and half stay with it and do your best. Stick with the plan. That’s why it’s important to be very clear about what you are doing on a particular day – it focuses your brain and sets time for a particular activity. ‘I will do it sometime this week’ won’t do because you will not do it.

Be clear about your exact starting time, exact activity and set duration time. If you say you will work on something for two hours – do it. Don’t go over and spend four hours working on it still feeling you are not done. When you create a clear deadline for yourself you will set a clear intention that by a particular time you want to be done with an activity. This doesn’t mean that you won’t need to continue working on it tomorrow but set a clear task for today and don’t aim to write the whole paper in two hours – decide on where your focus will be TODAY.

If your productivity is not the best on a particular day – don’t beat yourself up and as a result of it, enter the land of ‘I should have..’. It doesn’t matter what you think you should have done. Don’t waste your energy on ‘shoulds’. Recognise what happened, learn from it and recover. There is always an opportunity to start again but you need to commit and make that decision. By doing this you will also protect your self-confidence.

Years ago, when I was working on my PhD, it often felt like the writing was not going. In those times, I started to question if I am doing the right thing; if I am actually meant to be doing a PhD at all and if I am qualified enough (impostor syndrome! – a topic for another blog) and if I can present my work at a workshop (What if nobody turns up?). It seemed like everybody else was doing well. It was a challenging time but also a time when I learnt most about me and worked on getting better. It was all worth it and completing the PhD remains one of my biggest achievements. As the saying goes: ‘Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides’. You often don’t know what’s going on for others on the inside and how they are struggling to keep up their motivation!

In April 2015 I ran the London Marathon. It was one of the best and at the same time most challenging experiences in my life (probably followed closely after the PhD!). I have always enjoyed recreational running but have never taken part in a race like that. I started training in January and followed a four months plan with running three times a week. There were so many days when it was cold and dark and the last thing I wanted to do was running! But I stuck with it and kept on my mind the bigger picture and the April run. I also had a cause and was raising money for Muscular Dystrophy UK. This often made the biggest difference – I was clear on my intention and commitment and how what I do will have a positive impact (money raised). I became also more aware of the fact that ‘I can run’ and many other people can’t, so it felt like I needed to do it even more.

When you work on a research, policy, project or do some lab work and you feel totally unmotivated – you always have a chance to change your mindset by reminding yourself why you really do all of this. What is the practical application? If your work will have an impact on people on the ground – clients, students, patients or your own staff – and you will improve some standards and conditions it’s worth pushing yourself. Because once you push the limit you thought you had you realise you can go further. Then you enter the territory of possibility and opportunities – it’s a place full of magic and creativity.

If you feel like there is no practical application and you don’t feel your work is meaningful or you are adding value – you have two choices:

First, think about the last time you did a great job and helped somebody because of what you did. Got it? Ok, so what did you do? It’s clear your role is relevant, so bring up more of these kinds of activities and design your own ways of impact. Talk to people you work with and see if you can make any changes to your responsibilities (even minor ones!), ask for help, show people the great work you do. You will be surprised how much leeway there is for you to be creative. Empower yourself. Step by step.

Second, you are not motivated at all because you don’t like your job; there is no fulfilment on the personal level and you are not feeling like you are adding any value. If this is the case maybe it’s time for a change. As Eckhart Tolle mentions in his great book ‘The Power of Now’ if you are in an unpleasant situation you have three options – accept it (without moaning; this is critical!), make a change or remove yourself from the situation. The latter might not be an option in this case, but you have still two other ways to go. Take some time – reflect, ask yourself what you like doing, what is it that you really want to do. And then design steps to enter this new path. In the meantime, look for ways how to make your work more meaningful – there is always a way how to improve things until you make the bigger change. Small changes can have a bigger impact on how you feel.

Beyond all, stay focused. It’s all about baby steps. As long as you know why you do what you do and what would you like the final result to be you are set for success. Motivation will be on your side. If you would like some support with getting there get in touch.